Good Evening Reader:
Sometimes when I have a spare moment I like to grab a cup of organic black root tea from Bogota and read the latest academic findings of Dr. Jack Horner, who I consider to be an amazing mind and also one of the most evil men to ever grace this planet. His greatest sin is the perpetuation of the lie that Tyrannosaurus Rex was a scavenger and not the uber-predatory hunter we know that he in fact was.
I've never shared this before, but I've traveled to an alternative universe nearly identical to our own thanks to the wonders of quantum physics. I landed in this nearly identical universe in a time approximately 70 million years before the arrival of the Great Bane of the Earth - Humans. We really are the worst. I saw a guy throw a cigarette butt out of a speeding 1989 Volkswagon Rabbit and it killed a sun-bathing armadillo, or something. The. Worst.
Where was I? Oh, right, multiverse travel (TIME travel is not possible, and please don't say it is). I happened upon what is present day North America just in time to see a female Tyrannosaur in action, at the peak of her powers, and she just downright took out 20 full grown hadrosaurs in the span of 30 minutes. I swear I am not making this up. I clocked her at 30 miles per hour in peak stride.
Which leads me back to "Doctor" Jack Horner. How in God's Good Green Earth* can you posit that the Tyrannosaur was a scavenger? I saw all of this with my own eyes, those animals hunted. They ran. They stalked. I'd tell you how I got to the multiverse, but frankly, I don't think you have the mental capacity to take it in and I actually don't really remember.
Yours In Fury,
Rupert Chang
*prior to arrival of man, now it's vaguely gray in color
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