Fuck You, Giving Tuesday

So hey, let's talk about something that sucks.

CHARITY.

Charity at its purest core is fine. It's typically even great! You're giving something of yourself to help someone else. That's all well and good.

But CHARITY in the context of the way its bandied about in the modern world is pretty much the worst thing ever. If you donate your time to a cause, you might not be a jackass. But if you donate money to an organization, the odds are extremely high that you are an asshole.

And so we come to the reason for this post. There is now apparently a bullshit movement known as GIVING TUESDAY. Here's what it's about:

WHAT IS #GIVINGTUESDAY? 

We have a day for giving thanks. We have two for getting deals. Now, we have #GivingTuesday, a global day dedicated to giving back. On Tuesday, December 2, 2014, charities, families, businesses, community centers, and students around the world will come together for one common purpose: to celebrate generosity and to give. 

It’s a simple idea. Just find a way for your family, your community, your company or your organization to come together to give something more. Then tell everyone you can about how you are giving. Join us and be a part of a global celebration of a new tradition of generosity.

I'm sorry (HINT: I'M NOT SORRY), but fuck that shit right in the ass. Let's break it down:

We have a day for giving thanks. We have two for getting deals. Now, we have #GivingTuesday, a global day dedicated to giving back.

Hey, guess what? We didn't need a global day dedicated to giving back because the entire concept of "giving back" is primarily driven by what most people would refer to as "white guilt" (regardless of whether the person is actually white or not). "Giving back" is a construct that people create to avoid thinking critically about the things they do the rest of the year — "DURRRR, I might have not hired any minority candidates and I got the city to approve my plan to displace 30 poor families and I voted for a politician who wants to deport everyone, but I'm donating $10,000 to this scholarship fund so HURRY SOMEONE COME SUCK MY DICK" — and the people they marginalize.

On Tuesday, December 2, 2014, charities, families, businesses, community centers, and students around the world will come together for one common purpose: to celebrate generosity and to give. 

LET'S CELEBRATE GENEROSITY. Are you fucking kidding me? Because we're not celebrating generosity here. You're asking us to celebrate people who give, sure. But the people that deserve celebration for giving are not the ones you're asking us to celebrate. Let's continue.

It’s a simple idea. Just find a way for your family, your community, your company or your organization to come together to give something more.

Translation: Pick a cause that you like, then guilt people you know into donating to it.

Then tell everyone you can about how you are giving. Join us and be a part of a global celebration of a new tradition of generosity.

GOD DAMNIT THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER. "Then tell everyone you can about how you are giving." I mean, I just ... I can't. I can not ... go ... on.

Listen, we all have different motivations in life. Charity to make yourself feel better about the way you act the rest of the year is awful by itself, but when this whole CHARITY concept gets really fucked is when people go running around talking about it. If you are the type of person who goes on a social media site and posts about supporting a cause, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

But hey, that's 20 fucking 14 for you. We have a fucking DAY dedicated to shitheads telling everyone about how they're donating to charity. #GIVINGTUESDAY actually makes the retail thievery that the big box stores perpetuate each year look like Mother Teresa handing out bread crumbs to starving Turkish peasants.

Fuck Giving Tuesday.