Why margaraine is troubling

A recent debate centers around the use of margarine in one’s daily cuisine.  As a regular consumer of expensive butter, I am appalled at this and decided to pen this post. 

Margarine is unholy, unnatural, and disruptive to the inner digestive tract.  Those who know me know that I value being regular above all else, making my commode visits on a regular schedule that does not vary more by more than five minutes as a rule.  The introduction of margarine by my otherwise saintly wife laid waste to my digestive tract and sent me in a rut that took me a fortnight to recover from.  I wish I could say that I have forgiven Carol, but that would be a lie.

Margarine is made of vegetable oil – if I wanted to eat solid oil I would frequent a local fried food eatery, like a common glutton or somebody from Alabama.  No, no, no.  Give me solid butter, preferably from a cow which was fed gently culled grass.  There is nothing better than a slice of toasted sourdough bread with a slab of butter, and I will stake my name on that.

Please consult your local grocer to inquire how to obtain fresh butter, they will be delighted to assist you.

Beginner's falconry

I was sitting in my veranda contemplating the flight patterns of the American Kestral when my tea kettle shrieked at me, its high pitched tone causing me to startle and giggle at the same time. When was the last time you had a proper cup of tea? Please think about this for the next 15 minutes and then return. 

Thank you. 

Continuing with the American Kestral, I am always surprised when I mention this prodigious raptor that it is not well known in the lower 48 states. Indeed, I would doubt if one person in 100 would recognize the blue grey plumage of a virile male, nor the sonorous “Klee” it makes as it as it excitedly spots its quarry - grasshoppers, lizards, the occasional vole are its favorites as a rule. 

In short, I recommend you immediately grab your best pair of binoculars and head out to your nearest forested area or aviary to gaze at this delightful member of the animal kingdom. If you are lucky enough to capture one using your own wit and dexterity, you will be rewarded with a beautiful yet furtive bird of prey suitable for beginner’s falconry.